Change.

Friendship

An act or process through which something becomes different.

Whatever that something is, change is triggered by a situation that could not longer last. It can be irreparable, like ageing, self-induced like having children (usually at least…), or undergone like getting fired or dumped.

As much as I like a good routine to be more efficient at fitting everything I have on my plate each day into 24h, I believe change is a good thing. It sure takes a certain state of mind to be positive in a change that may alter the perception of a perfectly good life we lost.
If not perceived as a good thing, then the issue lays in one’s attitude, not in the change itself.

The unknown of something different can be frightening, challenging, unusual and sometimes plain painful, but if there is one thing in this world you can’t change, it is change itself. So roll with it.

I’m not saying it will be easy, I’m not saying it will be quick for that something different to become familiar and confortable. But to make it more bearable, you can embrace it with a positive attitude. Seeing the glass half full can tremendously help to ease the process.

I already hear you thinking, “duh, how do I get positive going from having a job and money to unemployed and broke”. Again, it’s a perception thing. You see it as becoming unemployed, I see it as suddenly having lots of time to enjoy things that don’t change, like friends and family, while looking for another job.

Again, there is nothing you can do about it now (and if there is, better get your ass out there right now!). So it’s no use bitching, for your sake or other’s people sake. Nobody likes whining. This new situation might give you the chance to step back and discover things you can be happy about and you didn’t even know of.
For those who need visual explanation, here is the bitching, and the eye opening. I know ladies, a little push from Ryan Gosling may help, but I have faith in you. And guys… well man up!

Don’t get me wrong though. You can’t go on through life changes and only focus on the good, like a happy child about a fluffy plush, or else you may end up skizo like Charlie Baileygates. No, you can’t just ignore the negative effects of a change and cover it all with positive thoughts and new opportunities.
Negative and resentful feelings will always find a way back to come haunt you, perhaps years later, and make you feel miserable by dragging you down to that life transition you couldn’t fully deal with.

You’ve got to acknowledge the bad, face it, accept it and let it go so one day, it has no more influence on you than one more fly in a cow’s eye. Only then you’ll be entirely light hearted, free to move forward, towards better days.

And if that job or partner was one in a million, then don’t cry because it’s over but smile because it happened. Be grateful for what you were perhaps the only one to be given the chance to experience. So I was told years ago by a younger yet wiser girl than I was. Way wiser she was, and her words still guide my thoughts when looking for peace of mind today.

Here I’m talking about a change from a positive to a perceived negative situation. The other way around is possible too, and as counter intuitive as it seems, might even be easier to “de-shit yourself”, AKA TTD, towards a cleaner state. You can indeed be the source of a negative to positive change, unless of course you are masochist but that would place you in the case above we just dealt with.
I insist on the fact that this one is easier. The definition of change remains valid, and thus means you’re still going to experience different, but this time, it’s because you’re not happy anymore with the something you know, and you decided to take a step forward into the unknown, grab the bull by the horns to better your life. Kudos to you and keep at it.

As much as it is easier psychologically, it’s still a pretty darn hard process. Indeed, we rarely dream of being a little more happy, but more likely super duper happy. So it’s always a huge step to get there, making it a long, windy and bumpy road. Remember that expression “shoot for the moon, and even if you fail you’ll land amongst the stars ? It’s shit.
If you shoot for the moon, it’s because you want the god damn moon, not because you want to be amongst the stars, otherwise you’d shoot for the stars! It’s a door open to failure, like having a plan B.

I value failure a lot as it offers unique life experiences, but that topic would make for a whole different post altogether. My point here is if you have options, in a moment of weakness, you’ll take the easy one, the star one. Yet if you don’t have any option but your goal, then all you’ve got is your focus and determination. You’ll eventually get there, to the moon. Human beings are very sophisticated creatures capable of absolutely amazing things, sadly cursed with an extremely powerful mind. Should that mind get in the way, party is over, it will be the limit.

So to come back to dealing with change – and wrap it up because I’m getting hungry – keep a positive attitude and focus on the new opportunities while dealing with every negative aspects of change. You’ll be over it faster, in style and you’ll get that giddy up back in your step in no time. Note that in that process, relying on genuine friends and family will help you, a lot, as they offer the one thing that don’t change, their love and support.

Soon I’ll tell you about a major change in my life and how I’m planning on dealing with it.

Mindscewedfully yours,
Martin

2 Comments on “Change.

  1. Pingback: Things happen for a reason. | Martin GAFFURI

  2. Pingback: Change. Again. | Martin GAFFURI

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